SHOW US SOMETHING SEXY IN GREEN FRANK! EVERYBODY OUT, VIRGINS FIRST, ASSHOLES SECOND, ASSORTED WEIRDOES TO THE REAR. WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN!
F WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? Magenta! WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR   DRUGS? Columbia! GOOD CHOICE! Go and assist Riff Raff. HE CAN’T GET     IT UP! I will entertain, um, ahh... THE CAMERAMAN!
B Brad Majors. ASSHOLE! This is my fiancé, Janet Vice. FUCKED UP!
J Weiss!
B Weiss.
F SAY SOMETHING IN FRENCH FRANK! Enchant’. WHAT’S IT MEAN? Well   how nice. THAT’S NOT WHAT IT MEANS. And what charming underclothes you   both have. THEY’RE FRUIT OF THE LOOM. But here, put these on, they’ll make   you feel less... VENEREAL? ...vulnerable. SAME THING. It’s not often we receive   visitors here, let alone offer them hospitality.
B HORSE BRUTALITY? Hospitality? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone   God damn it. A reasonable request which you’ve chosen to ignore. IT’S A BIRD,   IT’S A PLANE, IT’S SUPER ASSHOLE!
J Brad don’t be ungrateful!
B Ungrateful!
F How forceful you are Brad, Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... BIG?    ...dominant. GET EMBARRASSED ASSHOLE. You must be awfully proud of him   Janet.
J ARE YOU A HOOKER? Well yes, I am.
F Do you have any tattoos Brad?
B ASSHOLES DON’T HAVE TATTOOS. Certainly not!
F Oh well, how ‘bout you? SHOW US YOUR BATTLESHIP JANET!
R Everything is in readiness Master, we merely await your... ORDER. ...word. DON’T   SPILL IT, OH SHIT ALL OVER MY NEW SUIT!
F HEY FRANK, WHEN’S THE ORGY? Tonight! My unconventional conventionalists,
 you are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research and paradise is to be   mine! THOSE ARE SOME WELL HUNG SPEAKERS. It was strange the way it   happened. Suddenly you get a break SNAP IT! and all the pieces seem to fit into place.   What a sucker you’ve been, what a fool. The answer was there all the time, it took a small  accident to make it happen. WHAT WAS YOUR BIRTH? An accident! And that’s how  I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that... WHO GIVES THE BEST    BLOWJOBS ON THE ENTERPRISE? ...spark! That is the breath of life. DO YOU   KNOW HOW TO MASTURBATE? Yes! I have that knowledge. WHAT    DEODORANT DO YOU USE? I hold the secret. TO LIFE? To life. ITSELF? Itself!   (USE NOISEMAKERS) F! You see, K SPELLS FUCK! you are fortunate, for tonight   is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BUTTFUCKED! born! (USE   NOISEMAKERS) Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and step up the   reactor power input THREE MORE TRIANGLES!  three more points! PUT YOUR   HUMP INTO IT RIFF!
J Oh Brad!
B It’s all right Janet! HE’S WORKING SO HARD HE’S GOT STEAM COMING   OUT OF HIS ASS! YELLOW MOONS, GREEN CLOVERS, BLUE DIAMONDS,   AND PURPLE HORSESHOES!
F Oh Rocky!

 SWORD OF DAMOCLES/CHARLES ATLAS SONG

RH SAY SOMETHING INTELLIGENT ROCKY! Unnngggghhhh! The Sword of    Damocles is hanging over my head and I’ve got the feeling someone’s gonna be cutting   the thread! Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery and can’t you see that I’m at the start of a   pretty big downer! I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
TR That ain’t no crime!
RH And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnamable dread.
TR That ain’t no crime!
RH CHECK HIM OUT ASSHOLE! My high is low. I’m dressed up with no place to go   and all I know is that I’m at the start of a pretty big downer.
F Oh Rocky!
TR Sha-la-la. That ain’t no crime! (refrain)
RH The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
TR That ain’t no crime!
RH And I’ve got the feeling someone’s gonna be cutting the thread!
TR That ain’t no crime!
RH Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery and can’t you see that I’m at the start of a pretty big   downer. SHAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG!
F Oh Rocky!
TR Sha-la-la. That ain’t no crime! (refrain)
F Oh really! That’s no way to behave on your first day out! CAN YOU FORGIVE HIM?   But, hmm, since you’re such an exceptional beauty, I’m prepared to forgive you. IF   YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP THE BARS, IF YOU’RE HAPPY   AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP THE BARS, IF YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW   IT AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT, IF YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU   KNOW IT CLAP THE BARS! Oh, I just love success!
R He’s a credit to your genius Master.
F Yes!
M A triumph of your will!
F Yes!
C He’s okay! FUCKED UP!
F WHAT DID SHE SAY? Okay? MORE EMPHASIS! Okay!? I think we can do better
than that! Now, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?
J DON’T ASK JANET, SHE’LL LIE! Well, I don’t like men with too many muscles.    JUST ONE BIG ONE!
F I didn’t make him for you! WHAT DOES HE CARRY? He carries the Charles Atlas   Seal of Approval. (CLAP AND MAKE SEAL SOUNDS) DESCRIBE RIFF RAFF. A
 weakling weighing 98 pounds, will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground. And   soon in the gym with a determined chin, the sweat from his pores I CAN’T READ    THIS SHIT! as he works for his cause. Will make him glisten WHAT’S YOUR
 FAVORITE TOOTHPASTE? and gleam and with massage and just a little bit of   steam. GO FOR THE GOLD, BUT MISS THE HOLE! He’ll be pink and quite clean.
   He’ll be a strong man, oh honey, but the wrong man. SHOW US KING KONG’S
 DICK! He’ll eat nutritious, high protein, and swallow raw eggs, try to build up his
 shoulders, his chest, arms, and BALLS! legs! Such an effort, if he only knew of my plan,
 in just seven days AND SIX LONG NIGHTS! I can make you a FAG, JUST LIKE   YOUR DAD! man! He’ll do press-up and chip-ups. Do JANET’S! the snatch, clean,   and jerk. OFF! He digs dynamic tension, must be hard work. Such strenuous living, I   just don’t understand when in just seven days. AND SIX LONG NIGHTS! I can make   you a FAG! JUST LIKE YOUR DAD! man! LOOK OUT FOR THE BIG RED   DOOR!
C Eddie!
E FUCK THE HELMET LAWS! SING IT FAT BOY! Whatever happened to Saturday
 night SUNDAY MORNING! when you’re at the job and you felt all right. It don’t   seem the same since cosmic light, came into my life, I thought I was divine. I use to go   for a ride with a chick who’d go and listen to the music on the radio. A saxophone was   blowing on a rock n roll show, we climbed in the back seat and baby had a real good   time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK N ROLL! I really love   that rock n roll! (refrain)
TR Lovely party!
E KICK ASS! KICK ASS! My head, it used to swim from the perfume I smelled, my   hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt. I kissed my baby’s pink lipstick and   that’s when I’d melt, she’d whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine. HEY    COLUMBIA WANT A KISS? SIKE! Get back in front, put some hair oil on, Buddy   Holly was singing his very last song. With your arms around your girl you try to sing   along. SCARE THE SLUT! It felt pretty good, baby had a real good time! Hot
 patootie, bless my soul, SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK N ROLL! I really love that rock n   roll... DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD!
F HEY FRANK, THAT’S NO WAY TO PICK YOUR FRIENDS! WHAT’S YOUR   FAVORITE GRATEFUL DEAD ALBUM? One from the vaults. BLOODY    GLOVES? PLANT THEM AT OJ’S HOUSE! Oh baby! I’M UPSET! Don’t be   upset. WHAT KIND OF A KILLING WAS IT? It was a mercy killing. WHAT KIND
 OF CHARM DID HE HAVE? He had a certain naive charm, BUT NO WHAT? but no
 muscle! SHOW US SOME ROCK! But a deltoid, and a bicep, a cut groin, and a tricep,
 makes me... WANNA FUCK A MIDGET! ...shake! Makes me want to take Charles
 Atlas by the BALLS! hand. In just seven days AND SIX LONG NIGHTS. I can make
 you a FAG, JUST LIKE YOUR DAD! man. I don’t want no dissension, just dynamic
 tension. STRUT, STRUT, STRUT, STRUT.
J SING IT BITCH! I’m a muscle fan!
F In just seven days AND SIX LONG NIGHTS! I can make you a FAG, JUST LIKE   YOUR DAD! man! Dig it, if you can! In just seven days AND SIX LONG NIGHTS I   can make you a FAG, JUST LIKE YOUR DAD! man.

 BRAD AND JANET GET SOME

CRIM There are those who say life is an illusion, LIKE YOUR NECK! that reality is simply a   figment of the imagination. LIKE YOUR NECK! If this is so, then Brad and Janet are   quite safe. HOWEVER. However, the sudden departure of their host and his LOVER!   creation, into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite had left them feeling both    apprehensive and HORNY! uneasy. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FEELING GAY   AND MERRY? A feeling which grew UNLIKE YOUR NECK! as the other guests   departed and they were shown to their separate rooms. PINK IS FOR VIRGINS.   LOOK OUT FOR THE BASIN! SHE HITS THAT THING EVERY WEEK. BLUE  IS FOR ASSHOLES, AT LEAST THE BASIN’S SAFE. MAKE A FACE LIKE A   MONKEY RIFF!
J Who is it? Who’s there? CANDYGRAM.
F It’s only me Janet.
J Oh Brad darling, come in. ALL THE WAY IN! Oh Brad! Oh yes my darling, oh, but   what if?
F It’s all right Janet, everything’s going to be all right.
J Oh, I hope so my darling. DON’T TOUCH THE HAIR! Oh!  A DEAD RAT! It’s   you!
F I’m afraid so Janet, but isn’t it nice?
J Oh you beast! You monster, oh! What have you done with Brad? NOTHING YET!
F Oh well, nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
J You tricked me! I wouldn’t have, I never, never...
F Yes, yes I know, but it isn’t all bad is it? I think you’ll really find it quite pleasurable.
J Oh, oh stop! I mean help! Oh Brad, oh Brad! HE’S NOT DOWN THERE!
F Brad’s probably asleep by now, do you want him to see you like this?
J It’s your fault, you’re to blame! Oh, I was saving myself. FOR A RAINY DAY?
F I’m sure you’re not spent, yet. SPEND HER, SPEND HER, LEAVE A DEPOSIT!
J Promise you won’t tell Brad?
F Cross my heart and hope to die. YOU WILL! MOP, MOP, MOP, ALL DAY LONG!
   MOP, MOP, MOP WHILE I SING THIS SONG! HEY SIS, LET’S GO FUCK   WITH THE MONSTER! GOD MY BROTHER HAS A GREAT ASS. GIVE US A   TWITCH ROCKY! WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, BUT IT’LL    NEVER FIT! ONE FOR THE ROAD! ELBOW SEX, ELBOW SEX! HEY
 RIFF RAFF, I THINK THERE’S A BUG ON MAGENTA’S NECK! WHERE
 THE FUCK IS THE BATHROOM IN THIS PLACE?
F Oh Brad darling, it’s no good here. It’ll destroy us.
B Don’t worry Janet, we’ll be away from here in the morning.
F Oh Brad, you’re so strong and protective. DON’T TOUCH THE HAIR! IT’S THE   SAME DEAD RAT!
B You!
F I’m afraid so Brad, but isn’t it nice?
B Why you, what have you done with Janet? MORE THAN YOU HAVE.
F Oh nothing. LIAR! Why? Do you think I should?
B You tricked me. I wouldn’t have, I’ve never, never, never! WHAT ABOUT THAT   ONE TIME IN BOY SCOUTS?
F Yes, I know, but it isn’t all bad is it? Not even half bad. I think you really quite enjoyed   it.
B Oh stop it, stop it. Janet, Janet! SHE’S NOT DOWN THERE!
F Janet’s probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you like this?
B Like this, like hell! It’s you’re fault, you’re to blame! WHY DID YOU DRINK PEPSI?  I thought it was the real thing! BITE IT!
F Oh come on Brad, admit it. You liked it, didn’t you? There’s no crime in giving yourself
 over to pleasure. EXCEPT IN (INSERT YOUR STATE HERE)! Brad, we’ve wasted   so much time already, Janet needn’t know, I won’t tell her.
B Well if you promise you won’t tell.
F On my mother’s grave. DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL FRANK!
R IT’S RIFF RAFF, THE AMAZING TALKING STOP SIGN! Master, Rocky has   broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the castle   grounds. IS ANYONE DOING ANYTHING? Magenta has just released the dogs.    MAGENTA IS A DOG.
F Coming! SO IS BRAD!
 JANET AND ROCKY

J THE THREE FACES OF JANET WEISS. What’s happening here? Where’s Brad?    Where’s anybody? ROCKY STILL CAN’T FIND THE BATHROOM. Oh Brad.    Brad my darling. JANET MY SLUT! How could I do this to you? IT WAS EASY,   NO IT WAS HARD, THAT’S WHY IT WAS EASY! WOMAN DRIVERS, NO   SURVIVORS! Oh, if only we hadn’t made this journey. STRIKE ONE! If only the   car hadn’t broken down. STRIKE TWO! If only we were amongst friends, or sane   persons. STRIKE THREE, YOU’RE OUT! Oh Brad! GET PISSED SLUT! What   have they done with him. Oh Brad, oh Brad how could you. SHE’S ONLY CRYING   BECAUSE SHE CAN’T JUMP THAT HIGH! DON’T BOTHER HIM, HE’S   MONSTERBATING. SHIT, NO PRIVACY IN THIS PLACE. Oh, but you’re hurt,   did they do this to you? Oh here, I’ll dress your wounds. I’VE GOT MORE HURT   THAN YOU’VE GOT SKIRT LADY! Baby there. HEY JANET, SMILE IF    YOU’RE HORNY!
CRIM Emotion:  Agitation or disturbance of mind, vehement or excited mental state. LOOK   THAT UP IN YOUR FUCK N WAGNELS! It is also a powerful and irrational master.   And from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor, there   seemed little doubt that Janet was indeed it’s slave.
C&M Tell us about it Janet.
J I KNOW THE SLUT ON THE LEFT AND THE DUMB SHIT ON THE RIGHT,   BUT WHO’S THE DICK IN THE MIDDLE? I was feeling done in, couldn’t win.    The only other I’d kissed before.
C You mean she’s? A VIRGIN?
M Uh-huh.
J I thought there’s no use getting into heavy petting. TOO LATE! It only leads to trouble
 and BED. seat wetting. Now all I want to know is how to go. I’ve tasted CUM!  blood   and I want more.
C&M More, more, more.
J I’ll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance. I’ve got an itch to scratch,    FRANKIE HAS CRABS! I need assistance! FUCK-A, FUCK-A, FUCK-A FUCK   ME! Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me, I wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill   me creature of the night. LOOKS LIKE A TACO, SMELLS LIKE A FISH, THIS   WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE FOR A STICKUP! Then if anything grows, IT   WILL.  while you pose, I’ll oil you up and rub you down.
C&M Down, down, down.
J And that’s just one small fraction of the main attraction. You need a friendly hand and I   need action! HEY, THIS IS MORE FUN THAN PLAY-DOUGH! Touch-a, touch-a,   touch-a, touch me, I wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me creature of the night.
C Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me!
M I wanna be dirty!
C Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!
M Creature of the night!
J Oh! FUCK-A, FUCK-A, FUCK-A FUCK ME! Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me, I   wanna be dirty! Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me creature of the night. ROCKY
 HORROR ROLL CALL!
RH ROCKY! Creature of the night!
B BRAD! Creature of the night!
F FRANKIE! Creature of the night!
M MAGENTA! Creature of the night!
R RIFF RAFF! Creature of the night!
C COLUMBIA! Creature of the night!
RH ROCKY! Creature of the night!
J Creature of the night! HAVE AN ORGASM BITCH!

 LABORATORY SCENE II

R HOW DO YOU SAY THANK YOU IN FRENCH? Mercy!
F How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!
R I was only away for a minute, DOING WHAT? Master. BATING.
F Well see if you can find him on the monitor! WE’VE SEEN YOUR FOREHAND   FRANK, NOW LET’S SEE YOUR BACKHAND. NEEDS WORK!
R Master. BATOR. Master. BATOR. We have a visitor.
B WHAT DOES CAPTAIN KIRK CALL HIS CHIEF ENGINEER? Hey, Scotty! Dr.   Everett Scott. KISS ASS!
R You know this Earthling. FUCKED UP! Person?
B I most certainly do, he happens to be an old friend of mine.
F D!  I see! K!  SPELLS DICK! So this wasn’t simply a chance meeting, you came here   on purpose. I THOUGHT HE CAME ON YOU?
B I told you my car broke down, I was telling the truth. ASSHOLES NEVER LIE.
F I know what you told me Brad, but this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.
B He was a science teacher at Denton High School.
F And now he works for your government, doesn’t he Brad? He’s attached to the Bureau   of Investigation, of that which you call U F O’s! Isn’t that right Brad?
B He might be, I don’t know!
R The intruder is entering the building Master.
F WHERE WILL HE PROBABLY BE? He’ll probably be in the Zen Room. A    ROACH, SMOKE IT SCOTTY! Shall we inquire of him in person? NO, NOT THE
 TRIPLE CONTACT ELECTRO MAGNET! RING AROUND THE LESBIANS!
 DAMN TOURISTS. HEY KOOLAID!
B Great Scott! (THROW TOILET PAPER.)
DR WHO’S THE FAGGOT HERE DOC? Frank N Furter, we meet at last! NO AT   FIRST.
B Dr. Scott!
DR Brad what are you doing here? GETTING LAID BY A FAG!
F Don’t play games Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here. It
 was part of your plan was it not, that he and his female should check the layout for you?    THEY CHECKED IN AND GOT LAID! Well, unfortunately for you all, the plans are   to be changed. YOU MEAN THE ORGY’S OFF? I hope you’re adaptable Dr. Scott, I   know Brad is. GET EMBARRASSED ASSHOLE!
DR I can assure you that Brad’s presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came   here to find Eddie.
B Eddie? I’ve seen him...
F Eddie? What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
DR HE’S FAT, HE’S DEAD, AND HE’S THE MAIN COURSE! I happen to know a   great deal about a lot of things. F!  You see, K!  SPELLS FUCK! Eddie happens to be   my nephew.
B Dr. Scott... MOUSEKETEER ROLL CALL!
DR Janet!
J Dr. Scott!
B Janet!
J Brad!
F Rocky! UGH!
DR Janet!
J Dr. Scott!
B Janet!
J Brad!
F Rocky! UGH!
DR Janet!
J Dr. Scott!
B Janet!
J Brad!
F Rocky! UGH! Listen, I made you CAN YOU BREAK HIM? and I can break you just   as easily!
M Master, dinner is prepared!
F WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ORAL SEX? Excellent, under the circumstances,   formal dress is to be optional. TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!
CRIM Food has always played a vital role in life’s rituals. The breaking of bread, the last meal   of a condemned man, and now... ...this meal. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. WHY THE FUCK
 DOES HE HAVE SEVEN FORKS? However informal as it may appear, you    can be sure there was to be very little, bon ami.

 DINNER

HEY EDDIE GET YOUR ASS OFF THE TABLE! GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES. WHAT KIND OF WINE IS IT? MUST BE TABLE WINE. HEY DR. SCOTT, COVER UP YOUR HARD ON!
F WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST FRANK? A toast! (THROW
 TOAST.) To absent friends.
ALL To absent friends.
F And Rocky. (PARTY HATS ON SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.) Happy birthday to you,   happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rocky... ...shall we? HEY RIFF, DEAL ME  A SLICE. HEY ROCKY, EAT LIKE A MARINE, NO EAT LIKE A MARINE  OFFICER.
DR We came here to discuss Eddie.
C Eddie?
F GET PISSED FRANK! That’s a rather tender subject, another slice anyone? BRAD
 GETS IT, JANET GETS IT, DR. SCOTT GETS IT, ROCKY DOESN’T CARE!
C Excuse me... WHAT’S THE MATTER COLUMBIA, YOU’VE EATEN EDDIE   BEFORE. YEAH, BUT NOT WITH CATSUP!
DR WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO? I knew he was in with a bad crowd,   but this is worse than I imagined. Aliens!
ALL Dr. Scott!
F Go on Dr. Scott, or should I say Dr. Von Scott! SIEG-HIEL!
B What exactly are you implying?
DR It’s all right!
B But Dr. Scott!
DR That’s all right Brad. From the day he was born, NOT THE NIGHT, BUT THE DAY.   he was trouble. WITH A CAPITAL T.  He was the thorn, NOT THE ROSE, BUT   THE THORN. in his mother’s side. NOT THE FRONT, BUT THE SIDE. She tried   in vain.
CRIM BUT SHE NEVER TRIED COCAINE. But her never caused her nothing, but shame.    LIKE YOUR FUCKING NECK!
DR He left home the day she died. GET DOWN SCOTTY! From the day he was born all   he wanted, was Rock n Roll porn HI MOM! (WAVE) and a motor bike. Shooting up   junk.
CRIM He was a low down, cheap little punk. YEAH PUNK!
DR Taking everyone for a ride! When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy you knew he was a   no good kid, but when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife...
F What a FAG! guy!
J Makes you GAG! cry!
DR Unt I did!
C Everybody FUCKED. shoved him, I very nearly SUCKED. loved him. I said hey I   WANTED WALLET NOT WALL SIZE. listen to me, stay sane inside security, but he  TIED ME UP AND PISSED ALL OVER ME.  locked the door and threw away the   key!
DR But be must have been drawn WITH A CRAYON. into something, making him warn,    WHO?  me in a note which reads...
ALL What’s it say, what’s it say?
E I’m outta my head. H E D!  Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. GOT THAT ONE RIGHT!    They mustn’t carry out their evil deed! When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy you   knew he was a no good kid, but when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife...
F What a FAG! guy!
J Makes you GAG! cry!
DR Unt I did! When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy you knew he was a no good kid, but   when he threatened your life with a BALL POINT PEN! switchblade knife!
F What a guy!
J Makes you cry! WHAT DOES FAT ALBERT SAY?
ALL Hey, hey, hey...
DR Unt I did... WHAT THE HELL IS AN UNT ANYWAY? FRANK, IT’S YOUR   TURN TO CLEAR THE TABLE!
F Oh Rocky, YOU HETEROSEXUAL!  how could you? SLAP THAT BITCH!
DR WHICH WAY, WHICH WAY? This way, this way!
R Ha, ha, ha! Shut up!

 THE CHASE

F I’ll tell you once, I won’t tell you twice! You’d better wise up, Janet Weiss. Your apple   pie, don’t taste too nice. You’d better wise up, Janet Weiss. I’ve laid the seed, it should   be all you need. You’re as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string. When   we made it didn’t you hear a bell ring? You’ve got a block? Well take my advice, you’d   better wise up, Janet Weiss. The Transducer, will seduce ya!
J My feet! I can’t move my feet!
DR My wheels, my God I can’t move my wheels!
B MY SOCKS! It’s as if we’re glued to the spot!
F You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools!
J Oh, we’re trapped!
F It’s something you’ll get used to, a mental mind fuck can be nice! HEY DOESN’T   ANYBODY USE THE DOOR IN THIS PLACE?
DR You won’t find Earth people quite the easy mark you’ve imagined. This Sonic    Transducer, it is I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratory, physio-molecular, transport   device?
B You mean? A VIBRATOR!
DR Yes Brad, it’s something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. But it   seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A PERFECT VIBRATOR!    A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through   space and who knows, perhaps even time itself! A PERFECT, PORTABLE    VIBRATOR!
J You mean he’s going to send us to another planet?
F Planet, Schmanet, Janet! You’d better wise up, Janet Weiss. You’d better wise up, build   your thighs up, you’d better wise up...
CRIM And then she cried out!
J MORE! Stop!
F Don’t get hot and flustered! HOW DO YOU MAKE A HOT DOG TASTE BETTER? Use a bit of mustard!
B You’re a hot dog, (CHUCK HOT DOGS.) but you’d better not try to hurt her, Frank   Furter!
DR You’re a BUTT DART!  hot dog, but you’d better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter!
J You’re a hot dog! NICE TITS JANET!
C My God, I can’t stand any more of this. First you spurn me for Eddie and then you throw   him off like an old overcoat for Rocky. You chew people up and then you spit them out   again. DO YOU LOVE ME? I loved you... I CAN’T HEAR YOU. Do you hear me? I   loved you. And what did it get me. yeah I’ll tell you, a big nothing. You’re like a sponge,   you take, take, take and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah well, I’ve had   enough. PEEK A BOO! You’ve gotta choose between me and Rocky, so named because  of the rocks in his head. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT A BITCH, QUICK MAGENTA
 THROW THE SWITCH! SANDY DUNCAN?
F It’s not easy having a good time. SO TRY DISNEYLAND. Even smiling makes my   face ache. SO BITE YOUR KNUCKLE. GO TO YOUR FAVORITE RED    WALL. And my children turn on me, Rocky’s behaving just the way that Eddie did. Do
 you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?
M I grow weary of this world, when shall we return to Transylvania huh? TAKE A    QUAALUDE BITCH!
F Magenta, I am indeed grateful, to both you and your brother Riff Raff. STROKE,   STROKE, STROKE. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go
 unrewarded. You will discover, that when the mood takes me I can be quite generous.
M HOW MUCH DO YOU CHARGE FOR BLOWJOBS? I ask for nothing, Master!
F And you shall receive it, in abundance! WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD  Come! We are ready for the floor show. IF ANYONE HAS SEEN MAGENTA’S EYES, PLEASE RETURN THEM TO THE FRONT DESK.  ELBOW SEX, ELBOW SEX! THE HANDICAPPED ARE ALWAYS GETTING FUCKED OVER!
CRIM So, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate it seemed, had decided that Brad and    Janet should keep their appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be   in a situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen. And just a few hours
 after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted... FRANKIE!
 ...forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals and
 some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the
 floor show that had been spoken of? WHERE DO YOU MASTURBATE? In an empty   house? WHEN DO YOU MASTURBATE? In the middle of the night? BEST TIME!
 WHAT DEMENTED CHICKEN STEPPED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, SAT ON   YOUR CHIN, AND ATE YOUR FUCKING NECK? What diabolical plan had seized
 Frank’s crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear   this was to be A PICNIC?  no picnic.