Frank:
How d'you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman.
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candy man.
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound.
You look like you're both pretty groovy.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

Brad:
I'm glad we caught you at home,
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:
Right.

Brad:
We'll just say where we are,
Then go back to the car.
We don't want to be any worry.

Frank:
Well you got with a flat, well, how `bout that?
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night? (Night)
Or maybe a bite? (Bite)
I could show you my favourite obsession.
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my... ...tension
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
HIT IT, HIT IT!
I'm just a sweet transvestite. (Sweet transvestite)
Sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,
           And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.

Frank:     You IDIOT!!

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
           Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

           I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go.
           And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

Frank:     Oh, Rocky!

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.

Frank:     Well, really!

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And I've got the feeling someone's going to be cutting the thread.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery
           And, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           sha-la-la.

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)

Frank:
A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face
When kicked to the ground,
And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
Will make him glisten
and gleam.
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...

All:
But the wrong man.

Frank:
He'll eat nutritious high protein,
And swallow raw eggs...
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
In just seven days...
I can make you a man.
He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups
Do the smearch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand,
When in just seven days, ...oh baby, ...I can make you a man.
 

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)

Frank:
But a deltoid and a bicep.
A hot groin and a tricep.
Makes me, oooh, shake,
Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the ...ha-ha-hand.
In just seven days, ... oh, baby ... I can make you a man.
I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet:
I'm a muscle fan.

Frank:
In just seven days, I can make you a man.
Dig it if you can
In just seven days, I can make you a man.

Eddie:
Whatever happened to Saturday night,
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine.
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
And listen to the music on the radio;
A saxophone was blowing on a rock `n roll show.
You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock `n roll.
(repeat three more times)

(Sax solo)

 My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
Get back in front, put some hair oil on
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.
With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.
It felt pretty good. Woo You really had a good time.
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock `n roll.
(repeat three more times)

(Sax solo)

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock `n roll.
(repeat seven more times)